If you are considering egg donation or surrogacy, you may be facing the “conversation” with your child in the future.

There are two ways to go about this conversation.

Be honest and up front from the beginning. This will instill a sense of honesty and trust in your relationship building the values you will want your kids to follow. Yes, this is difficult and may make you feel queasy at the thought of explaining this to a child. However, they will know how much they were wanted and the time and effort you took to have a child.

Or you can choose to not tell and hope they don’t find out.

If you decide to stay quiet and keep the secret, it still may be discovered at some point. The truth eventually can be figured out and at that point trust could be lost. In the coming years as technology is becoming more advanced, learning about and testing DNA and genetics will be easier. If your child starts inquiring about why they don’t look so much like you, they may start investigating and finding out more than you thought they would. Kids are smart.

It is ultimately your personal choice to decide whether to share with others the information about egg donation or surrogacy. Everyone has an opinion. So regardless of whether you tell your family, friends, child, etc. you have to make that decision so you can sleep well at night.

Intended Parents

If you are interested in explaining the process you went through to your child, there are plenty of resources and books that are age-appropriate. You will have to determine what age is appropriate to start discuss how they were conceived. Perhaps you can consult your egg donor or surrogacy agency to discuss how others have started the conversation. There may be references you can speak with to learn the best way to disclose information.

Even after all the time you spend contemplating about how to tell your child, he or she may have a hard time with the information you share with them. They will probably have questions and concerns that you should prepare for. We know you will do the best thing for you and your family.

by Julia McConnell | Last updated on : February 14, 2023