Social media, specifically Facebook can be a wonderful communication tool for friends, but it can also be invasive if you don’t manage it properly. In terms of surrogacy, we recommend saving a social media friendship with your Intended Parents or Surrogate until you have completed your surrogacy journey. We also recommend keeping your social media “private”.
Facebook can show people an intimate look at your life, and once you have friended someone there is usually a lot of drama involved in unfriending them.
We strongly encourage a healthy connection to your Intended Parent or Surrogate but connecting through Facebook allows details of your life, past and present, to be revealed in real time. Giving your I.P.s or your surrogate access to your Facebook page can change their opinion of you before they even take time to get to know you personally.
The following is a real example of an incident that happened between one of our Intended Parents and their surrogate:
Around 5pm on a Saturday, a surrogate was waiting at the airport to catch her flight for her transfer. Bored, waiting for her flight she flipped through her photos on her phone and posted an old picture of she and her best friend having a cocktail on her best friends birthday. The surrogate then hopped on her flight and hit airplane mode. She was friends with her I.P.s on Facebook, they saw the photo and immediately freaked out, they thought the photo was in live time and began trying to reach her. They knew she was supposed to be on a flight for her transfer trip. They couldn’t reach her of course because she was on an airplane. The Intended Mom reached out to our team, upset, crying, and feeling like her entire world was crashing. It was a three hour flight, thus three hours before we heard from the surrogate. Once we got a hold of the surrogate she explained that the photo was a year old. The poor I.P.s were all but distraught and went through three hours of grief which could have been avoided.
Connecting through social media allows your Intended Parents or Surrogate to look at your world in detail without having the proper contexts to know exactly what is going on. A friend posting a harmless inside joke on your page can wreak havoc on your Intended Parent or Surrogate. A harmless post about having a bad day can leave your I.P. or surrogate feeling worried about the surrogacy arrangement for no reason. The list can go on and on…
While we are huge advocates for developing a friendship with your Intended Parent or surrogate, if that’s the wish of both parties, we strongly advise saving the social media until your journey is complete.
For tips on ensuring your Facebook Page is private please visit: https://www.facebook.com/help/community/question/?id=10151569502816839