How to Select a
Surrogate Mother

 

Adding a new baby to your family is one of the most life-altering events you will experience. If you’ve made the momentous decision to have a child by surrogacy, it’s important to prepare yourself and your partner for all the questions, choices, and joys ahead. Here are some key considerations to think about as you begin to search for just the right surrogate mother for your child.

Picture of baby feet

Questions to Ask Yourself and Your Partner

Qualities to Consider in Choosing a Surrogate

Start by listing qualities you both hope to find in your surrogate mom. It helps to break them into ideal and must-have categories. Depending on whether you choose a close friend or relative, or select a stranger from among candidates screened by a surrogacy agency, you will need to decide how involved you plan to become with your surrogate before, during, and after pregnancy. Of course, your relationship will evolve just as any other would, and you may be surprised at the close bond that develops following the birth of your child. At the very least, you will remain in frequent contact during the pregnancy, sharing the experience with her and ensuring a consistently loving, healthy, supportive environment for your baby.

Pregnant surrogate woman

Here are some essential qualities to look for as you narrow down your choice of surrogate. She should be:

Issues to Review with Surrogacy Candidates

A contract between the intended parents and the surrogate is absolutely mandatory. Contracts exist to clearly set out the expectations of all parties in any relationship, business or personal. Surrogate IVF is a relatively new process in legal terms, and, as a result, the laws are vague or non-existent and vary from state to state. Here are just a few of the overlapping legal, ethical, and medical questions that may arise during the pre-pregnancy and pregnancy period:\

Discuss and come to a consensus with your surrogate, and then make sure that your contract includes stipulations as to how each of these eventualities will be handled.

What kind of relationship will your surrogate maintain with your baby after birth? You may feel comfortable finding a place for her as part of your child’s extended family. It is ethical and kind to give the surrogate a chance to at least say goodbye to the baby, and to see it welcomed into your loving home. Often, surrogates maintain a distant relationship during the first year, and then gradually become more detached over time. In many cases, though, intended parents and surrogates form a close bond that becomes a lifelong friendship.

If you have difficulty conceiving and bearing a child, and are considering using a surrogate mother, you now have a better idea of the many complex choices you will face along the way. Working through an experienced, caring surrogate agency will provide the kind of professional guidance and security you and your baby need to assure a healthy start in life and a promising future. It is important to choose an agency with an established record of success and a coordinated, professional program of services, like Family Creations.

Be sure to choose an agency that offers these important services:

Once you have found a match and chosen the surrogate you will work with, the agency should manage the process, and humanely and carefully guide the surrogate through each step, including handling:

You should have the assistance of a personal case manager who oversees and coordinates all the many services required to assure the best possible experience for both the intended parents and the surrogate mother, and during the follow-up stages following childbirth, as both families adjust to existence of the precious, new life they have created together.

Sources:

1. http://www.surrogatemothers.org/what-qualities-should-you-seek-in-a-surrogate-mother

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